Entry 037

My third baby should be two today. This post is about her life.

I woke up early that cold February morning with a feeling of excitement and positivity—I just knew the pregnancy test would have two pink lines. And it did. I called the doctor to confirm with a blood test and got through the workday anxiously waiting to surprise my husband with the news. 

On our bed, I set out a box of Dad Jokes, a gray hat that said “dad” on a tan leather patch, the positive pregnancy test, and a onesie with the words “and then there were five.” A few of these things he had seen before—when I told him we were pregnant with our first baby—but it felt just as special giving them to him that time.

We had a few nervous but blissful weeks before we got to see our sweet baby girl. We had never been so far along in a pregnancy and she was our first baby we got to see! She looked perfect on the screen. We were relieved and filled with joy. 

It was only about a week later that we couldn’t find her heartbeat. A tiny heart that stole ours in a little girl who was helping us feel whole again after losing her big brother and sister was still. I would give anything for that heart to be beating today—on her second birthday.

Emily Lindquist