Entry 039

My sixth baby should’ve been born today. This is about his life.

It was a rainy Thursday that I saw a faint second line on a pregnancy test. I’m always too eager and test earlier than I should, so I decided to wait until the next morning to test again and call my doctor. For a full day, only I knew that I was carrying the baby we waited so long for.

After blood work and my doctor confirmed I was pregnant, I pulled out that box on the shelf I wrote about in Entry 24—the one with a onesie in it that I ordered during my third pregnancy. The onesie says, “handpicked for earth by my siblings in heaven.” I was so excited to show my husband the pregnancy test and the onesie we’d finally get to put a baby in and after I did, we were filled with excitement and joy about the little life growing in my body.

I continued monitoring my HCG levels to ensure he was healthy as we waited to see him on a screen. He hosted an open house with me, we went swimming with his grandma and cousin, and went on countless walks with his dad and me in the perfect ND summer evenings.

We finally saw him on July 16th. He was absolutely perfect and measured at 6 weeks and a few days—right on track. We heard his strong heartbeat and got to keep a recording of it in plush stuffed cow that has been on a shelf in our bedroom ever since.

The joy and anticipation continued to grow with him for a few more weeks. We soaked in every moment with him and were so excited for what was to come. We made plans for the future with him and envisioned the house we’d build for him to grow up in. Our time with him was perfect.

I had done a lot of work to heal my body before his conception and we were confident it would lead to his healthy arrival today. I wish nothing more than that it had worked. I wish he was in our arms today.

Emily Lindquist